


Hisses and Dispatches

by nimmieamee (orphan_account)



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, Gen, Humor, so many Alans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-05-16 14:29:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14813147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/nimmieamee
Summary: Life among the Maple Snakes.





	1. Chapter 1

Caldecott Cooper Blossom-Bloom III and Hyacinth Yarrow Blossom-Bloom  
Vertiveld House  
23 Moneybucks Lane  
Li'l Jinxtown, CT 06831

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Blossom-Bloom,

I write regarding your duties as members of the Board of Trustees of Blossom Maple Farms, Ltd. (hereinafter "Blossom Maple"). As I informed you in my previous letters, Cheryl Blossom is now the Chief Executive Officer of Blossom Maple as well as sole owner of the land and trees which produce Blossom Maple's many highly profitable syrups, candies, butters, soaps, and lip balms. I write to you now on Ms. Blossom's behalf, in partnership with the law offices of Sweetlyme and Sweetlyme LLP, who, as you know, represent Blossom Maple.

It has come to the attention of Ms. Blossom and Blossom Maple that that you have not paid your board dues in full in over five years and have not attended a Board of Trustees meeting since the October 2016 tapping ceremony. Mr. Blossom-Bloom's missing dues total $69,000. Mrs. Blossom-Bloom's missing dues total $48,000.

In addition to this, Ms. Blossom has learned that you have leased Foxglove Manor, which is the rightful property of Blossom Maple Farms, Ltd. and which was earmarked for the development of the Blossom Sugar History Museum, to your son, Caldecott Cooper Blossom-Bloom IV ("Caldy"). It bears noting that Caldy pays a rent significantly below market rate for the property, and that his lease was never approved by the Board or by any officer of Blossom Maple. Moreover, Blossom Maple has received several complaints regarding Caldy's activities on the property. Twenty separate residents of neighboring Centerville have filed complaints with local authorities which cite Caldy's alleged propensity for playing extremely loud music, trafficking illegal varsity jackets, manufacturing fake ice cream, and running a methamphetamine lab. Blossom Maple now risks serious legal action from several entities, including the state of Riverdale, the Bulldog Jacket Co., and our longtime business partners, Woods' Signature Maple Ice Cream Inc., if Caldy is not immediately removed from the property.

Per the Blossom Maple bylaws; local law 4201-f(b)(3)(6), governing the disbanding of a Board of Trustees in such circumstances as they breach their fiduciary duties; and the Riverdale Protection Of Teen Heiresses Act (also known as Gigi's Law), Ms. Blossom has the legal right to call a vote for your removal.

This letter is to put you on notice of such vote, which will occur within ten (10) business days on Friday, July 7th, at 9am, at Thistle House, 6700 Sugar Hog Drive, Riverdale, RD 00004.

This letter is also to cordially invite you to the Jason Blossom One Year Memorial Service on Friday, July 7th, at 1pm, at Thistle House, 6700 Sugar Hog Drive, Riverdale, RD 00004.

Regards,  
Sierra McCoy, Esq.  
The Law Offices of Sierra McCoy, Esq.

 **CC:** Warburton Sweetylme, Sweetlyme  & Sweetlyme LLP, _via email and certified mail_ , 10000 Bloodforest Highway, Greendale, RD 00000, sweetlyme@sweetlyme.org  
Caldecott Cooper Blossom-Bloom IV, _via email_ , caldy69@gmail.com

\----

 **From:** Caldecott Cooper Blossom-Bloom III  
**Sent:** Monday, June 26, 2017 8:03 AM  
**To:** Cheryl Blossom  <bombshellCEO@blossommaple.org>  
**Cc:** Hyacinth Blossom Bloom <cinthya@wealthingiving.org>; Caldy Blossom-Bloom <caldy69@gmail.com>; Rose Blossom <nanathankstoniforthisemailaddress@gmail.com>; Penelope Blossom <pen@discreetarrangements.com>  
**Subject:** Your latest ingratitude

Cheryl, your great-aunt Cinthya and I don't know what this prank letter you've sent us is, but I suggest you save your hysterics for the mother that regrets you and stop embarrassing the company.  I also don't know how you roped Warburton Sweetlyme into this, but he will be hearing some very strong words from me.

\----

 **From:** Cheryl Blossom  
**Sent:** Monday, June 26, 2017 11:55 AM  
**To:** Caldecott Cooper Blossom-Bloom III <ccblossom3@gmail.com>  
**Cc:** Hyacinth Blossom Bloom  <cinthya@wealthingiving.org>; Caldy Blossom-Bloom <caldy69@gmail.com>; Rose Blossom <nanathankstoniforthisemailaddress@gmail.com>;  
**Subject: RE:** Your latest ingratitude

Ummmm. please go through my lawyer and don’t CC mommy (removed her) because I am emancipated,

**AS YOU KNOW.**

You are involving her in Blossom Maple communications which she has nothing to do with, which, need I point out, is basically yet another breach of your fiduciary duty.

~Kisses and Venom~  
Cheryl "Bombshell" Blossom

\----

 **From:** Caldecott Cooper Blossom-Bloom III  
**Sent:** Monday, June 26, 2017 12:10 PM  
**To:** Cheryl Blossom  <bombshellCEO@blossommaple.org>  
**Cc:**  Hyacinth Blossom Bloom <cinthya@wealthingiving.org>; Caldy Blossom-Bloom <caldy69@gmail.com>; Rose Blossom <nanathankstoniforthisemailaddress@gmail.com>; Penelope Blossom <pen@discreetarrangements.com>  
**Subject: RE:** Your latest ingratitude

I most certainly will not exclude your mother from your campaign of viciousness against the Blossom-Bloom side of the family, you little harridan. She deserves to know just how unmanageable you have apparently become.

\----

 **From:** Cheryl Blossom  
**Sent:** Monday, June 26, 2017 3:28 PM  
**To:** Caldecott Cooper Blossom-Bloom III <ccblossom3@gmail.com>  
**Cc:** Hyacinth Blossom Bloom  <cinthya@wealthingiving.org>; Caldy Blossom-Bloom <caldy69@gmail.com>; Rose Blossom <nanathankstoniforthisemailaddress@gmail.com>;  
**Subject: RE:** Your latest ingratitude

Oh my god, every board member got one. You guys are not special.

Except for how you turned nana's childhood home into a meth lab.

Incidentally your wannabe todd alquist son is a stain upon humanity.

~Kisses and Venom~  
Cheryl "Bombshell" Blossom

\----

 **From:** Caldecott Cooper Blossom-Bloom III  
**Sent:** Monday, June 26, 2017 3:30 PM  
**To:** Cheryl Blossom  <bombshellCEO@blossommaple.org>  
**Cc:**  Hyacinth Blossom Bloom <cinthya@wealthingiving.org>; Caldy Blossom-Bloom <caldy69@gmail.com>; Rose Blossom <nanathankstoniforthisemailaddress@gmail.com>; Penelope Blossom <pen@discreetarrangements.com>  
**Subject: RE:** Your latest ingratitude

How on earth do you plan to run Blossom Maple Farms without a Board, Cheryl?

\----

 **From:** Rose Blossom  
**Sent:** Monday, June 26, 2017 3:45 PM  
**To:** Caldecott Cooper Blossom-Bloom III <ccblossom3@gmail.com>  
**Cc:** Hyacinth Blossom Bloom  <cinthya@wealthingiving.org>; Caldy Blossom-Bloom <caldy69@gmail.com>; Cheryl Blossom <bombshellCEO@blossommaple.org>; Toni Topaz <hissingforjustice@gmail.com>  
**Subject: RE:** Your latest ingratitude

WHILE DRINKING THE SWEET SALT WATER OF YOUR TEARS, CALDECOTT.

\----

 **From:** Toni Topaz  
**Sent:** Monday, June 26, 2017 4:03 PM  
**To:**  Rose Blossom <nanathankstoniforthisemailaddress@gmail.com>  
**Cc:** Cheryl Blossom  <bombshellCEO@blossommaple.org>  
**Subject: RE:** Your latest ingratitude

Uhhh, thanks for adding me, Nana. I think.

So I guess these _won't_ be family members I'll be meeting at the memorial service?

\----

 **From:** Cheryl Blossom  
**Sent:** Monday, June 26, 2017 9:13 PM  
**To:** Toni Topaz  < hissingforjustice@gmail.com >   
**Cc:** Rose Blossom  <nanathankstoniforthisemailaddress@gmail.com>;  Caldecott Cooper Blossom-Bloom III <ccblossom3@gmail.com>; Hyacinth Blossom Bloom <cinthya@wealthingiving.org>; Caldy Blossom-Bloom <caldy69@gmail.com>;    
**Subject: RE:** Your latest ingratitude

Omg. I totally forgot to mention this to Uncle Caldy and Aunt Cinthya, thank you Toni, but for the memorial the dress code is business casual or leather formal and don’t wear white because I will be wearing white.

Also, donations to the Jason Blossom Water Polo Camp For Southsiders Scholarship Fund? STRONGLY encouraged.

~Kisses and Venom~  
Cheryl "Bombshell" Blossom

\----

 **From:**  Caldy Blossom-Bloom  
**Sent:** Monday, June 26, 2017 11:20 PM  
**To:** Cheryl Blossom  < bombshellCEO@blossommaple.org >   
**Cc:**  Toni Topaz  < hissingforjustice@gmail.com > **;** Rose Blossom <nanathankstoniforthisemailaddress@gmail.com>;  Caldecott Cooper Blossom-Bloom III <ccblossom3@gmail.com>; Hyacinth Blossom Bloom <cinthya@wealthingiving.org>; Caldy Blossom-Bloom <caldy69@gmail.com>;    
**Subject: RE:** Your latest ingratitude

 

what the hell is leather formal


	2. Chapter 2

_**OFFICIAL NOTES OF THE JUNE 2017 MEETING OF THE ~~SOUTHSIDE~~ NO-SIDE SERPENTS** _

6.30.17

**King presiding** : Jughead

**In attendance** : Sweet Pea, Fangs, Toni, Thomas, FP, Hogeye, Pontiac, Alan J., Niblet, Shanks, Sneed, Metal Tommy, Fingers White, Alan Q., Velma, Capricious Dan, Anthony, Alan O., Small Boy, Cheryl, Indiana Jane, Arizona Jane, Medium Boy, Louis Lipstick, the Kleenex Kid, Alan G., Betty Cooper (Northsider), Sierra McCoy (Northsider), Josie McCoy (Northsider), Veronica Lodge (Northsider)

**Secretary** : Alan M.

King presents the agenda:

  * appointment of Queen (5 min)
  * rescue of Archie Andrews (Northsider) from prison (25 min)
  * Cheryl's one-year memorial for her brother (10 min)
  * how to stop all our many evil enemies who want to destroy us (20 min)
  * open forum for other discussion (15 min)



-

**Discussion of the agenda:**

Sweet Pea objects to the agenda

Fangs seconds Sweet Pea

Sweet Pea suggests:

  * rescue of all Serpents from prison (30 min)
  * Cheryl's one-year memorial for her brother (10 min)
  * how about just making war against the Northside? (the rest of the time)



King objects to war against the Northside, states that Fred Andrews is a Northsider and our friend

Sweet Pea suggests that Fred Andrews was just trying to buy votes and soon told us to leave his house, so we all have to live with Cheryl now anyway

Toni thanks Cheryl

FP thanks Cheryl

Capricious Dan thanks Cheryl

Cheryl bows

King mentions that Cheryl is a Northsider, also he died to prevent war with the Northside so this should be a closed topic by now

**VOTE** on the inclusion of 'war against the northside' in the agenda -- Serpents side with King

New agenda:

  * appointment of Queen (5 min)
  * rescue of Archie Andrews (Northsider) and Serpents from prison (25 min)
  * Cheryl's one-year memorial for her brother (10 min)
  * how to stop all our many evil enemies who want to destroy us (20 min)
  * open forum for other discussion (15 min)



-

**First agenda item - appointment of queen.**

King seeks to appoint Betty Cooper.

Sweet Pea objects to Betty Cooper as queen and to creation of new queen position

Toni seconds Sweet Pea

Betty Cooper and FP object to Sweet Pea objecting

Everyone else objects to Betty Cooper objecting

**VOTE** on Betty Cooper as queen and creation of new position -- Serpents side with Sweet Pea on both counts.

King objects to the vote and asks what the hell a king is if people don't listen to him.

Thomas explains that King's job is just to set the agenda for meetings

Alan Q. states that King is a bit of a despot when it comes to his girlfriend

Toni asks King to please hurry up with the agenda anyway.

-

**Second agenda item - rescue of Archie Andrews and Serpents from prison.**

King cedes floor to Sierra McCoy for brief seminar on criminal defense and one's rights if arrested or incarcerated.

Josie McCoy performs musical number on how to properly invoke your right to remain silent (she's very good!!)

Sweet Pea objects to rescuing Archie Andrews

Veronica Lodge objects to Sweet Pea objecting

Sierra McCoy seconds Sweet Pea, says that King's plan to smuggle Archie to Canada would be illegal

**VOTE** \-- Serpents vote to rescue Serpents but not Archie Andrews

King (getting kind of hangry now, tbh) mentions one time Archie wore a Serpent jacket

Sweet Pea mentions that this might be construed as offensive appropriation and Archie also did more to hurt the Serpents than help them

King moves to silence Sweet Pea

Sweet Pea moves to silence King

FP tells King and Sweet Pea to sit down and he'll just run the damn meeting until they learn to man up.

Toni objects to phrasing.

-

**Third agenda item - Cheryl's one-year memorial for her brother.**

FP cedes floor to Cheryl for presentation on how to wear our best jackets and how not to be weird about our involvement in Jason Blossom's death (awkward!)

King mentions that it wasn't really anyone's fault

Sweet Pea objects, states that it was FP's fault the Serpents got caught up in it

Toni seconds Sweet Pea

FP states that he has an AA meeting in thirty minutes and it was his fault in a lot of ways, so let's move on

-

**Fourth agenda item -** **how to stop all our many evil enemies who want to destroy us**

Veronica Lodge suggests a speakeasy where everyone drinks in harmony

Sweet Pea objects to this idea on the grounds of it being stupid

Cheryl seconds Sweet Pea

**VOTE** \-- Serpents side with Sweet Pea about speakeasy not doing anything to help the situation

FP opens the floor to other suggestions

Crickets

Toni asks just how many enemies we have now anyway

Sweet Pea lists:

  * Hiram Lodge (owns our entire community since Veronica gave him the Whyte Wyrm)
  * The new sheriff and all law enforcement
  * The new Mayor and all local government
  * The Ghoulies
  * Penny
  * basically all the Northsiders, because remember how they tried to kill Fangs for no reason?



Fangs seconds

King objects to the last point

Cheryl moves to silence both Sweet Pea and the King

FP seconds

**VOTE** \-- Serpents vote to silence both Sweet Pea and the King for the duration of the meeting

Timer rings, signaling the close of the hour and time for open discussion.

-

**Open Discussion**

Fangs reads letter from Joaquin.

General discussion on how great San Junipero looks right about now.


	3. Chapter 3

_Sadboi_ :

What the hell is your problem

????

jones what

_Sadboi_ :

Sweet Pea, you keep objecting to EVERYTHING I suggest

not personal

your ideas are just bad

andrews deserves jail more than most jailbirds I know

and your girlfriend didn't care when we were like

getting evicted

so no she doesn't get to be our queen

_Sadboi_ :

okay you literally told Fangs

"Cheryl Blossom is the best new addition this gang has had all year"

I heard you say that

about CHERYL BLOSSOM

the Marie Antoinette of the eleventh grade

but you don't want to let in Betty?

that was a specific burn on you

that's why I said it in earshot of you

kidding though

since you like, died

that was badass

and you're good at getting your ass kicked

ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ

still don't like your girlfriend

_Sadboi_ :

Betty is and was going through a really hard time

Being able to do this with me would mean a lot to her

And for your information she happens to be a legacy

idk maybe you guys should join a couples bowling league or smth

also I loved that time her mom apologized to us

said she'd help us out

then ignored it when the whole town was like

trying to kill us

such legacy, much wow

_Sadboi_ :

WHAT is your specific hatred of the Coopers?

???

jones it's not complicated

they could not give a shit about the Serpents

at least Cheryl lets us live on her property

freely hunt her wild sugar hogs

use her tennis courts to smoke

and she's like

paying some of our phone bills

and all I had to do was help scare away her mom and uncle

_Sadboi_ :

Oh, so you'll let yourself be bought?              

what

wait jones I thought you liked Cheryl now 

plus she's toni's girlfriend

like you don’t have to be mean about her

like respect snake code

_Sadboi_ :

And Betty is MY girlfriend!

I know but I don't like her

and I never will

ԅ(‾⌣‾ԅ)

_#1 Bro_ :

hey Jughead not sure if you noticed above when I added my new # to this groupchat

this is Fangs

and are you aware you are bringing this up in groupchat

and cool emojis sweet pea how are you even doing that

commitment

_Jessica Rabbit from hell_ :

c'est moi, the Serpents' own divisive diva Cheryl

just want to say that I feel cousin Betty is NOT Serpent material

and if anyone should be Serpent Queen,

it should be my inamorata, Toni

seconded

_Jessica Rabbit from hell_ :

also on the topic of Archie

Veronica Lodge got him into this mess

she can get him out

 

_Sadboi_ :

Who added Cheryl to the groupchat

nah Andrews did it to himself

_#1 Bro:_

I voted to get him out of prison Jughead

I don’t like him

But people got me out of prison and I want to pay it forward

 

_Twobit Topaz_ :

I feel like there are sooooo many political prisoners who are worth your time more, Fangs!

 

_Sadboi_ :

Archie literally brought us all home when they were going to arrest us at the Wyrm

 

_Twobit Topaz_ :

No that was his dad

 

_Sadboi_ :

Well, he WARNED us, okay

 

_Twobit Topaz_ :

No, that was Cheryl

 

_#1 Bro_ :

yeah that was Cheryl

totally Cheryl

_Sadboi_ :

He’s my friend, guys.

i don’t get why you’re friends with all these people who treat you badly

_Sadboi:_

I have no words for the irony in you being the one to type that out, Sweet Pea.

 

\----

 

_(666) 666-6666:_

Hi, Sweet Pea! This is Betty Cooper. I got your number from Jughead. I think you and I got off on the wrong foot, and so did you and maybe some other Northsiders. I thought it would be a step forward for everyone if maybe you and I talked? I just want to tell you a little bit about Jughead’s history with me and Archie and what he means to me, and what I could bring to the Serpents. As a prospective member of course, not as a “queen.” That was Jughead’s idea. So what do you say? Me, you, Ronnie’s Lounge at 7pm? My treat?

holy wall of text batman

anyway are you aware that your phone is literally Satan

_(666) 666-6666:_

Yeah, my dad bought my phone plan.

Actually he had a weird amount of control over my phone.

In hindsight that feels important.

 

\----

 

_Hometown Kathryn Merteuil_ _:_

Oh Jughead. Oh jughead, jughead, jughead

You lovesick fool

You have no idea what she’s doing to you, do you?

And my minions have seen it all going down right in that desecrated husk of the Chock’lit Shoppe that Veronica has the gall to call an entertainment space

 

Calm down, Cheryl. Betty and Sweet Pea aren’t on a date. They’re having a polite talk about why she wants to join the Serpents.

 

_Hometown Kathryn Merteuil_ :

Oh, yes, I thought we had a tragic shortage of teenage knitting enthusiasts

Well, don’t try to compete with me and Toni for cutest couple at the annual Serpent summer cook-off

You won’t win

 

Is THAT why you've been so opposed to Betty joining? so you and Toni could win a dumb competition?

 

_Hometown Kathryn Merteuil_ :

Toni and I will win no matter what. But Betty's supremely hideous little duck and bow patterned sweaters will clash with the Serpents' signature leather

Anyway

Ginger and Tina report that Minetta has posted himself by Veronica's speaksleazy in order to up his teenage arrest record

So cousin Betty didn't make the wisest choice of venue

But I'm sure your dear papá will look out for them, since he works there now.

 

Cheryl

My dad never accepted that job offer. He's a recovering alcoholic. He can't work in a bar.

He sells cured sugar hog at the Centerville Farmers' Market like all the other Serpents.

 

_Toni_ :

So you mean the only thing that stands between Sweet Pea and trumped-up charges is Veronica?

 

_Fangs_ :

oh nooooo

 

_Hometown Kathryn Merteuil:_

Dear god

Okay. All core Serpents to Pop's. NOW.

 

-

 

oh shit guys everything I said about betty cooper? REVOKED. 

_#1 Bro_ :

wrong groupchat sweets

sorry thanks Fangs

_Sadboi_ :

Wait, there's another groupchat?

 

\----

 

oh shit guys everything I said about betty cooper? REVOKED.

like we were at that shitty speakeasy

minetta walks in

tries to arrest me

and man

the jaws theme should play when that girl goes off 

_Alan M_ :

sounds wild, man

 

_Alan J_ :

so wait

is the Alan bloc voting FOR her now

 

_Alan J_ :

yeah are you saying we should be voting to make her queen now

because lol, no

 

_Alan Q_ :

yeah fuck no I'm not voting to make her queen

 

nah guys it's nbd she's not even joining anymore I bet

like don't even worry about that part

like that's probably the least of her worries

_Alan G_ :

hey guys

guys

wild how no one knows Sweet Pea's an Alan and the head of the Alan bloc, guys

I was on the tennis courts just thinking about that today

kind of fucked up if you think about it

 

\----

 

_(666) 122-4601_

hi alice this is fp

i know you're at a farm, betty told me

but like how would u feel if betty got unfairly arrested but the serpents hired her an attorney

anyway

u know like just for the summer while things blow over

she could go to sand juniper

sry san junipero, gd autocorrect

jughead could go w/her and get to safety too

just a thought

well lmk because i know a guy

 

\----

 

_(666) 777-9311_

hi, Minetta, this is Betty Cooper's attorney, Sierra McCoy

I see you trying to trail my car and my client in my car

we've stopped by the side of the road so I can text you this in a legal fashion

you have no legal basis to hold my client, AS I TOLD YOU WHEN I CAME TO COLLECT HER

and I cannot wait to face you in court and cross examine you until you snivel, you walking civil rights violation

 

ma'am how did you get this number

_(666) 777-9311_

it's gonna happen

maybe not with this case but it's gonna happen

 

ma'am, I suggest you lose this number

_(666) 777-9311_

who’s watching you, Minetta?

me baby

me


	5. Chapter 5

THE SUGAR MAPLE STATE SOCIETY CHRONICLE

_The On-dit_

How's this for tattlings about town? A defunct business, an uncommon party, and a mother ousted for a sinister blonde. That’s right. It was triple trouble on the ninety-ninth anniversary of Blossom Maple Farms, a longtime bastion of Riverdale State agriculture. Sources report that unconventional heiress Cheryl Blossom has disbanded her own Board of Trustees on the very same morning she paid tribute to her departed brother, Jason Blossom. It is unclear whether our _Chéri_ intends to end the company once and for all, or merely select new Board members within sixty days, as required by law. It is _very_ clear, however, that Blossoms from near and far mingled for the first time with a new breed: the local element. Pro? There's a certain rockstar cool in hosting a leather jacket lawn party. Con? Banning your own mother from the event and your life, and inviting your cousin to stay with you in her stead -- well, this is perhaps _only_ acceptable when said cousin is not the daughter of the Black Hood.

-

THE SAPSNAKE HISSER

 _Official chronicle of the goings-on of the Maple Farm Serpents_  
Issue I, July 2017

Well, it’s a new day! And specifically it’s dues day -- so pony up your share to FP and Hogeye, so they can cover the gas necessary to get us to the Centerville Farmers’ Market this weekend. And now that that’s out of the way, we’d love to welcome all of you to our official monthly. I thought we could use this to keep our community going, with some useful topics like:  
Who’s out of prison this month (yay!)  
Who’s in prison this month (boo!)  
The McCoy Know Your Rights Column (hell yeah, baby!)  
Cheryl’s Rules For Living On Her Property (don’t worry. I made her take out the unreasonable stuff, so it’s mostly like, “never ever ever wear paisley. Only Nana gets to wear paisley.”)  
Jughead’s film corner  
Local Enemy Watch with Sweet Pea and the Alans  
Who Wore The Flannel Better? (FP vs Fangs!)  
Get To Know A Northsider (this week it’s Josie! Hi, Josie!)  
What to do if Ghoulies Attack, by champion blackbelt Sassy Thrasher (I was really excited to get this girl!)  
Twenty of the coolest forms of Civil Disobedience (by yours truly!)  
And more!

So give it a look! Or else just burn this for warmth if you happen to be living in one of the barns that gets extra cold at night. And remember -- if you’re receiving this, you’re one of us!

Hisses,  
Your Editor in Chief,  
Toni

Letters to the Editor are to be directed to Thistle House, c/o R. Blossom. We will print three letters per month. Please keep your letters limited to the topics of: the Serpents, peaceful overthrow of the town’s corrupt power structures, and life here at Blossom Maple Farms. Please accept our apologies in advance to those of you who are not selected for publication.


End file.
